The father of my son is not my husband, nobody knows the truth

The father of my son is not my husband, nobody knows the truth

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years in the past, I had an affair with “Roger,” a married man. We labored collectively and fell in love. On the time, Roger was married with three youngsters. My husband and I have been separated, and I had one son. The 15-year age hole between us didn’t matter to me. I admired him. Roger was soft-spoken, clever and a gentleman. He was of Christian religion, so when he determined to divorce his spouse, his companions held an intervention and purchased out his fairness within the firm, which pressured him to maneuver out of state. 

Roger was an amazing individual and struggled with the considered leaving his household. I understood, and we parted methods. I stored knowledgeable about him as a lot as doable over time however by no means contacted him, and we lived in several states. When he left, I used to be pregnant, however I didn’t inform him as a result of a lot was occurring and I didn’t need the newborn to be a instrument. I had a son, reconciled with my husband and by no means advised a soul. Eight years after that, my husband and I divorced. 

Though I attempted, I by no means discovered the braveness to succeed in out to Roger. 5 years in the past, I visited the state the place he lived. I even went to his workplace, however didn’t attain out. I not too long ago had a number of desires about him and couldn’t cease pondering of him. They appeared so actual. 

I appeared Roger up on-line and discovered he died a yr in the past. I’m devastated and really feel responsible for not giving my son the chance to know his father. Roger has different youngsters. At this level, ought to I allow them to know or ought to I simply go away the whole lot alone? My largest worry is inflicting ache to his spouse. She is an effective individual and doesn’t deserve this. — HOLDING MANY SECRETS

DEAR HOLDING: What’s to be gained by making an announcement at this late date? As you said, it received’t present your son the chance to know his father. And receiving stunning information at this level will solely trigger Roger’s widow ache. Nevertheless, I might do one other web search to see if yow will discover out what killed Roger. If it’s one thing that might be handed all the way down to your son, warn him. In any other case, I’m voting for leaving the whole lot alone. 

DEAR ABBY: Over the previous two years, a pal I’ve felt very near over time has gone downhill. “Nancy” thinks her neighbors have positioned listening gadgets in her condo, have entered her place illegally and brought issues, and are usually malevolent. I’ve my very own troubles and burdens in my life, and this modification in her leaves me feeling frightened, powerless and overwhelmed. 

I’ve stepped again, however a mutual pal tells me Nancy feels deserted and betrayed by me. I’m afraid if I attain out, I’ll be sorry. However however, I by no means have mentioned goodbye. Nancy has a therapist now, and I carry her up in prayer loads. What do you counsel I do, if something? — FAILED FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: Your prayers have been answered. Nancy is now within the care of a therapist and should enhance. If the one cause you’ll be contacting her is to say goodbye, I believe it might be merciless. If you need to examine in now and again, ask how she’s doing and provide some heat and encouragement, then give her a name.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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